i just want a normal life

i know..smue org xkn sme life die.. it just wont fit the nature..

there's always good and bad..
positive and negative..
and dont forget..heaven and hell~~

time kecik2 ak nk knl parents ak rapat2.. nk tido ngan dieorg mcm budak2 kecik len.. ak nk lari2..men2 ngan kwn2 kecik ak.. ak nk gelak2 ngan parents ak.. ak nk mak ak nyanyi2 lagu sblm ak tido..

what i got was..teman mak jalan kaki g klinik dr umah ak smpai ke klinik gombak ms ak umur 2thn time mak ak ngandung adik kedue ak..beating since i was like 6years old..beaten while naked in front of neighbors sbb xle skor time exam..

when i was 10years old.. ak kalo bole nk jd gangster ala2 geng bas skola..hahahaha..noob gler!

instead.. me n my sister got beaten up sbb result exam terok.. ak kne ketok ketampi smbil kne libas smpai ak xle jalan utk 2 ari sbb ak kecik n xgeti xjwb call.. got beaten up in front of my friend sbb ak ajak mmbr ak mkn cekodok dlm billik ak..

when i was in high skool.. yeah i got to be what i wanna be.. a badass!! hahaha..

but still i live my old life.. everytime ak blek umah dr asrama sbb cuti..mesti ad pukol2..gado2.. this 1 time ak blek umah ak tgk mak pkai spek dlm umah.. to think that a 13 years old boy bole tau nape mak die pkai spek itam dlm umah..shows that he's been living a hard life earlier b4 any normal people should..

when i was in university.. i wanna be a genius! hahaha.. alaaa..student yg jenis nakal2 tp still skor (bole laaa) dlm exam.. finally becoming a teenager!!! ak nk ad gf..like seriously..i even put it in my 2009 to-do-list.. fuck that shit..ak xberkawan lgsg ngan pmpn time kat u.. hahahaha..kalo bole patah blek ms..ak nk jd kasanova time blaja dl..

what i am at that time was..a student who lives in fear for her mother's safety at home.. AT HOME TAU! bkn time mak ak g road trip ke ape ke.. at home..from my dad!! sepanjang 4thn kat utm.. cme 4 org je pnh tgk ak menangis+ngamok.. u know why.. ak nk je blek umah jmpe mak tp mak xkasi..hmmmm

skarang ak da abes blaja..sudah bekerjayaaa!!! woohooo..living n planning a whole new life!! rs mcm super cool sbb da abes blaja..hahaha.. what i want was..being able to hangout at evening or night without my dad asking when i will be back home.. dude..ak x wat kje2 bodo time ak lpk ok.. ak juz nk chill kat kdai mamak..men pool..tgk wyg or karoke ke.. do stuff that i wanna do time ak kecik2 dl..tp this time gne duet gaji..hasil titik peloh sndr..

instead..i'm living a life whre my dad mocks my salary..monitor my expenses..come back home by 9pm or else he will call me.. no futsal for me.. tho my dad is old..nk pukol pown xd kerap2 da.. bkn nk pukol x larat ye..bc btol2.. NAK PUKOL POWN XD KERAP2 DA tp mulot die maki mak ak..uihhhh.. ko mcm nk koyak2 kan je bibir die.. i really want my wife to be like my mom.. she is all bout a woman should be with a will as strong as man.. dak2 pmpn skarang nmpk je mcm otai..gothic laa..metal ko jimbet ape laa.. kne sepak nanges.. mak ak kne tumbok rilek je..


so this very know..
what i really want is just me n my sister going to work like a normal adult man n woman.. my siblings yg len2 wat kje sndr..yg blaja kat u blaja kat u..yg kat umah chiill2 je.. having more than enough money to survive until 4 5 generation of my own family..

what really happened..
my dad laburkan SEMUE duet die dlm bank plus barang2 kemas mak ak utk business..siap utang lg rm400k from his friend.. since die xcukup duet lg rm1juta nk cr dlm sehari.. die kne terminate account die..no money back and worst case i fear the most..is the safety of my mom n siblings..living a whole new life without money like we USED TO HAVE..not like what we USED TO SPEND..afraid because of who knew what his team mates gonna do..


haaaaaa..

a son's prayer

its been a while since my last post.. like i said..same old story..not much to tell..

i know i'm not a saint..i'm not a good son actually to my father.. but i love my mother n i'm a good brother to my siblings.. i guess that's why Allah still listen to my prayer..

smtimes when my father kne musibah or mslh.. die slalu pikir itu dugaan dr tuhan.. but ak plak pikir that's because i never pray for him.. not never laaa.. ad laa..kadang2..xpown sbb terpakse ke..

u know why???

sbb tiap kali die kne mslh..i mean deep shit problem like the one he's facing rite know.. die mcm jd seorang bapak yg ak n adik2 ak nak kononnye.. calm..rileks..

tp 1 nature die ni.. ble ad sket mcm unsur2 jalan penyelesaian..die mcm lpe diri.. die mle nk maki hamun mak ak blek laaa.. uiiihhh~~ mcm da jd boss besa blek.. ak ingat ape die ckp kat mak ak..everytime.. AND I FUCKING HATE IT!!

that's why u dont deserve my prayer.. for me..lg bek ko nk maki mak n kteorg smue sekali2 ngan ko pown susah.. dari ko nk maki kteorg time ko senang.. at least ak puas ati! seeing 1 miserable creature maki hamun org len instead of 1 happy man fucked up others life..

back to his problem.. i meant his business problem that he's facing know..

mak slalu ckp kat ak tlg doa utk abah.. ak ckp kat mak yg time die ssh kte doakan die..tp die da senang die nk maki hamun je kte.. i dun like that.. mak ckp xpe mak yg kne.. tgk mak ak..sanggup kne janji anak2 doakan si bapak ni..

smue org xnmpk..dieorg pk tgk bpk ak kaye n senang kre kteorg ni pown senang..fuck that shit! org2 luar sne seronok je bapak ak blanje mkn laa..gelak2 laaa.. tp dieorg tatau b4 dieorg smue tu gelak..cmne terok life mak n adik2 smue.. alih2 org len yg dpt epi..

so skarang ni utk business die.. everytime bnd mcm nk settle..n when bpk ak mle mrh2 mak ak blek..ak tarik blek doa ak.. until this very last moment.. the laaaaaaaaassttt part of his business.. elok2 ak doakan die..skali die nk mrh2 mak..ckp mak busuk ati.. wtf???

mak xkasi ak tarik blek doa ak cz at this moment..if things go south..my dad will doom..fucked up for the rest of his life! not to mention he will drag us all.. we're fine with it.. not the first time being drag to hell..

haaaaaaaaaaa....u dont deserve my prayer but mom insist on it.. she's too strong..smpai ak xphm kdg2..

very well..

abah..haniff doakan smue berjalan lancar..esok abah bole fly g Singapore utk bukak account abah kat sne..aminnn~~