aintahat alllueba.. The end of Kalau Tentu

do google if you need translation.

i remembered the time when i blogged about her trolling me that she's getting engaged. Few years back.. 2, 3 years ago i think. Freaks me out like hell. Im glad that it's just a prank.. But that was it..

Not this time..

This time, there's no pranks, no turning back.

Aku happy gile bile die bagi tau die da takde boyfriend. After 9 years, i think, this is my chance. My last chance to get her. Everyday i prayed to God, pleaseee..open her heart for me! That's all im asking. I will do the rest but please, open her heart. But, Allah knows more than i do.

Apparently, she's not for me. Tho i have waited many years, went to countless ups and downs with her.

It really hurts me. The way i found out about her boyfriend hurts me a lot! Because it was the same as before. The first time i knew she had a boyfriend was back during Rock the World 10. We were supposed to go together, but instead there's this one guy which she claimed, wanted to follow (Aiman). I know that guy and i dont like him. That time, cume tuhan je tau camne hati aku sakit gile bile dpt tau die introduce mamat as boyfriend die dekat kawan2 die. She didn't noticed i was behind her. The moment i heard that, i went off.

Same goes for this time. Last night to be precise~

suddenly i changed my pray. Instead of praying to Allah to open her heart to me, i asked Him, if she aint for me, then give me a sign. Just right after my prayer, she replied my text, saying that she was busy with her boyfriend that came down to KL. i was speechless. Cz as far as i can remember, 2 weeks ago she said she's done with Aiman.

i was heart broken..really..really broken.. All night i was hoping that all of these were just a dream. Please..please..

**********************************************************

7 Mac 2008,jam 00:32

kalau tentu tiada cinta kerana apa
hilai tawa aku menggema rona warna hatinya

kalau tentu tiada cinta kerana apa
suara aku mengikut aja deru angin yang menyapa telinganya

kalau tentu tiada cinta kerana apa
bisik aku menghalusi lembut pintu hatinya

kalau tentu tiada cinta kerana apa
rajuk aku mengguris jiwanya sama

kalau tentu tiada cinta kerana apa
lukis aku semua cerita tentang dia

kalau tentu tiada cinta kerana apa
segala hirup udara aku mencari jejak baunya

kalau tentu tiada cinta kerana apa
lirik mata aku tak sudah mencari bayangnya

kalau tentu tiada cinta kerana apa
mimpi aku sering singgah di tanah lapang sana
yang hampar langitnya indah kotaraya
yang surianya penuh anak-anak kecil ketawa suka
yang bulannya dipuja-puja insan pacaran.


kalau tentu tiada cinta kerana apa aku menulis segala. heh. kalau tentu tak ada cinta kenapa kepala otak aku gagal melupakannya panggilan manja itu. amoi amoi amoi.

p/s: copy dr blog ain..sbb die ckp die ad tulis smting spesel utk ak aritu..n i found this..

*******************************************************

All those years, i believe this.. this poet that was written to me..
the piece of writing which i found to be so pleasing to read..
those words that definitely calms my heart and mind..
my favourite reading..

Everytime i missed you..i would just read it..
This is by far..the most beautiful gift from you to me..



Ain,

you are the best thing in my life. The reason to what i am now. I looked at you, and i see hope. I love you more than anything. I wanted to marry you. I want to share my life with you. To travel with me, baby. Where i wanna go, i'll bring you. Where you wanna go, i will follow you.

If you ask me to stay and wait for you.. i will..believe me.. i will wait for you..

but, if this is what you want, then i must leave. not that i hate you..or hate your new boyfriend. I'm scared that if i'm still around, my heart WILL want you back.. i will get you hurt with my selfishness..and to see you sad, is my nightmare..

i will always remember the times that i spent with you.

your smile..your cranky face..
how you tickled me..
messing around with my cap..

hangout in your house.. Ayah cakap kete wira ade problem..thats the first time aku borak dengan die..

stealing my strawberry drink..
changing your teh tarik with mine because yours got lalat in it..

walking with you back to your house..sebab kete selalu rosak..
talking with you through your house gate..so romantic!

how you sang Lykke Li..
how you danced in Kinokuniya..

and that time at Sungai Wang, kite pegi cybercafe sbb nk tengok result universiti kau.. was hoping kau masok uitm je..tp Ayah nak kau ke Egypt..sobss

your voice when you first time called me from Egypt.. it was less then 10seconds.. best call ever!
and there's one time kite webcam and sang lagu Closer together..

when you're in hospital, aku grk dr johor overnight kat klcc.. kantoi ngan Mama and Ayah sbb aku dok luar wad.. speechless gak aku time tu..

back in the days where my left eye would blinked, meaning kau nak balik KL. believe it or not..ever since kau balik malaysia for good..mate kiri aku da tak kelip2 da.. coz your are here already.


those are some of the best memories i have in my life. You are the only woman, which i spent most of my time with.. Sikit pun aku takde rase menyesal.. i know that i had spent my time wisely..with the woman i cared the most..

Be a great woman, Ain!
be safe.. jangan nakal2.. jangan buat keje berat2.. sebelum tido basuh muke and gosok gigi..

You will always be that same little girl i used to know.

LAST PIECE

sometimes i wonder..what else do i need in my life?

at one point of your life..normally happens around my age (or my circumstance) i tend to feel empty. like, exactly EMPTY~ while eating..or driving..before sleep..while watching tv..sometimes i felt like ' bosan gile..ape nak buat ni~'

you actually doing something..busy with something..or probably just doing nothing.. but that feeling..wanted to do something..or have something..that you just couldn't know what is it that you want.. i know.. deeepp as ferk~

i have a simple life..

struggled with my studies..then i scored my degree..
struggled with pocket money..then i get a job..
i have 2 most important things that i require to survive 2015 and coming.. a useless with honours degree and a damn fine 1 year holiday, 1 year brainstorming for my event- job..

point is..
i got a job..have my own money and saving..live my life with some crazy friends..doing sorts of things..legal and illegal (thug life~). my life is as perfect as anyone wishes..alhamdulillah.. really..im grateful for that..


some would think money can't buy happiness. Well, it does!! nobody ever cries while eating burgers or ice creams.. now that is happiness!! hahahaha. during my emptiness period..i spent thousands for toys. hot wheels and tamiyaa.. damn! mak bising je sbb setiap bulan bawak balik mainan baru..

but thats about it.
i treated myself with money.. spending on food and toys.. (lucky i didn't get that ferret!) i still feel empty.... empty..... empty....

maybe it's time already..
maybe money is not the answer..
my job..my friends..stuff that i do..that aint completing me..

maybe it's time for me to meet you..
maybe it's time for me to share everything i have and i do, with you..
i need you..to complete my journey..

i know what i want.. what do YOU want then??