Ramadhan is coming

another 4 days and then Ramadhan will appear..

i don't know how i should react this year because as far as i can remember..there's not once..i ever happy when Ramadhan came.. for 23 years..not once i feel excited for Ramadhan..

don't get me wrong..
i'm not that satanic..hahaha.. i never say i hate Ramadhan.. it's just that during that 1 month of Ramadhan, that's when my family turns chaos.. the most chaos moment is during Ramadhan.. and that's why i always afraid when Ramadhan comes..

30days of chaos.. i wont tell you everything..because small things and mistakes can be a big issue during Ramadhan..

i remembered there was once, the last day of Ramadhan. that evening we all gathered around..discussing what to buy for my mother to cook in the morning of hari raya.. it was fun..taking pictures,laughing.. the suddenly my dad asked my mom what to buy for hari raya.. of course my mom said she will list it down when she can think about it.. then we continue to laugh.. then my dad asked again.. then on the third time he asked,he got mad and threw away papers and pen.. he said ' Abah mcm lembu korang nk tgu ape yg korang nk aku beli!'

just a blink of and eye..things went south.. can u imagine it? we laughed..taking pictures, the next thing you know he suddenly went mad and threw away everything.. we didn't cook anything for Raya.. we just sit at home..waiting for the next morning to go to sembahyang raya.. after that..finished~~ it was sad..really sad..

i cant remember which Ramadhan, but the night of the last day of Ramadhan, my parents had a major fight..i can't remember the reason.. all i remembered was that mom got kicked out of house by dad.. we also got kicked out.. cant u imagine.. on Hari Raya my mom and my siblings got kicked out of house.. when other normal family was cooking kuah kacang and rendang..also preparing stuff to dress up during the next morning..

there's more actually.. each 1 of them will make me cry each time i think about it..

i always hope that whenever thae next Ramadhan come, there will be changes.. no more fight.. a happy Ramadhan.. i always wanted to welcome Ramdhan..but i cant never feel to do so..

i hope this year Ramadhan will not be the same..

tho i never like Ramadhan..it will always be my pleasure to welcome you..