Saigo no / Mate kiri

Hello Ain,

This is where i kept the final piece of my heart..and since kau dah masok dalam ni, i guess there's no secrets after this..hahaha.. 

remembered when i said, ' aku dah bagitau kau everything..yang bercakap dan yang tak boleh aku cakap' (and since this place is no more a secret), this is my final blog la kot.. lepas ni, cakap depan je..hehehe.. aku patut buat video malam ni..tapi kang kalau tunggu esok, tah aku da lupe ape nak tulis..lol! got to keep it real~~

so much memori aku dengan kau.. some yang ingat..maybe ade yang aku dah lupe..hahaha.. 

one thing for sure, cerita dekat kfc aku takkan lupa.. that was the beginning of this whole story. Everything that i have wrote here, starts dekat kfc haritu

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STORY 

KFC mane aku lupeee...hahahaha!!! 

datang satu auntie nak jual kerusi massage (ingat2 lupe) . 

then kite cakap kite adik beradik..parents tengah jalan2 beli barang~ 
ohh..you adik beradik meh? tengok IC (sambil gelak)

that was the first time aku rs aku sync dengan someone, outside of my shitty world. it was the best view ever mase tu tengok kau join auta kari auntie tu.. mase tu, aku mmg btol2 rase aku suke kau.. (macam budak2 lagi kan mase tu..haha)

just like that sebenarnye, aku sangkut dekat kau =) and there rest is as today.. 

mase ni, dengar kau cakap nak pergi sambung belajar ke egypt pun aku rase lame.. but enough about this story..ni mcm puppy love story jeee that time

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- rock the world, 9 ke 10 aku x sure..but im pretty sure rock the world 9.. bile kau ajak keluar pergi rock the world.. thats was my first time pergi gig.. fucking hell i felt awkward that time..hahahahah! i maybe metal and stuff..tp introvert gile babii.. aku head bang dalam kepala je~~ then tu first time aku jmpe aiman.. 

im super protective bile dengan kau.. from the beginning sampai sekarang lah kot i guess.. protective, clingy, senang cite im not a badass bile dengan kau ah.. u tamed me..

 then when bile kau cakap ade smone nak follow, aku macam 'siapa pulak nii'..hahaha.. u never mentioned anything..anything, about him that day..die just muncul and ade dekat gig tu dengan aku and kau..

blablabla... then kau terserempak dengan geng2 sktsg.. aku cnfrm kau x perasan aku dekat belakang kau that time..  i was behind u bile kau introduce aiman as your boyfriend to them.. it broke my heart so bad..

i remembered yang die suddenly nak muntah2 and u had to attend him and i just walk away.. 

this was the very first time aku rase jealous tgk kau with someone.. but being middle man sumpah sucks..i just rather watch you from far.. mase tu, aku truly believe yang tengok kau happy is more than enough to me.. 

and sejak haritu tu.. mate kiri akan always kelip2 untuk kau.. (we'll get to that story later if u want to know)

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This 1 u knew already i guess.. if kau dah baca jauh la.. 

ni time kau baru balik egypt.... if tak silap, kite g keluar makan ngan osya.. warong opah some shit name die kot.. then kite pergi taman botani putrajaya..

on the way balik tu kau ckp kau dah no longer dengan aiman.. then aku mcm okayyy..lets try again.. lepas 2 minggu kau mentioned about your 'boyfriend'.. so yeahh..miss that one.. im like whatttt...dah ade baruu? 

this story doesnt hurt me a lot.. since that time aku rase maybe aku yang lambat cakap.. life goes on from there i guess

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This story aku x boleh nak recall sngt dekat mane time line die.. it's about you crying for the first time with me..

this was when Adek dpt tangkap kau naik motor, hold hands smting2.. then report kat parents.. hati aku sedih gile dengar kau nanges.. this timeline is a bit messed up because aku rase mcm die in between aiman and harris.. 

it was a roller coaster feeling.. 
1 day u said u no longer with him,
the next thing, you and your boyfriend,
the next thing im buying protein whey for what i think is your boyfriend at that time,
then next thing is hal nanges tu la.. so yeah..this timeline was a bit messed up for me..hahaha

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then came budak muda, then mamat civic?? ahaha..annoying kau cakap die.. then the chinese.. u told me once (never thought die yang currently last, sbb rase mcm lepas cina tu, ade je lagi yang lain come and go..

sorryyy..too much stuff..if ade salah cerita, my apologies ea Ain.. ingat2 lupa je.. 

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mase aku confess dekat kau malam tu.. kau cakap yang kau tau aku pernah suke kau.. u said it super chill mase tu..made me speechless sebab dalam kepala aku, if you already knew but tak pernah cakap pape, does that mean u never cared for my heart at all? is it because im late again utk bagitau kau?? literally aku taktau nak sambung conversation tu mcm mane sebenarnye..

later we go to topic anak..blablabla.. which later, aku plak mcm taktau nak cakap ape sebab mcm the conversation dah jadi wayyyy toooooo fast..hahaha.. and im clueless to respond, walhal aku yg start the conversation.. but, we talked about this already.. im okay with takde anak. 'Okay' is the word best to describe my position on this matter.. i have my own reasons, thus yes or no is not my answer..

Ain, 

To be honest, if aku tak jumpa kau dekat tinder that night, none of this would have happened.

we would never have these conversations. 

it will be the same mcm sebelum ni.. 3 4 bulan sekali, aku akan cari kau.. then kite akan borak2 3 4 days.. then i'll be quiet again for the next 3 4 months.. kau akan continue with your break up.. u might find someone else maybe, and aku akan still mcm biase jugak, texting u selang 3 4 bulan like always.. 

i set my tinder untuk cari perempuan within 23 - 26 y/o, within 10km jee.. that was the setting dari dulu lagii..hahaha..aku xd ubah2 pun.. that night, someone umur lebih 26, and stayed lebeh dari 10km muncul dekat tinder. someone yang aku cared the most.. it must meant something right?? 

yes, mmg aku xnk bagi star pun.. come on, pakai pun tinder free.. aku pikir kalau aku bagi star pun, since apps tu free, nothing will happen pun..hahaha! lagipun dah besar, kalau nak cakap smting, cakap depan2..

everytime kau ade bf, next after next.. i never fail to be there with you.. aku xkn jmpa kau if kau ade bf.. thats why aku always elak jumpa kau.. and bile kau muncul kat tinder , my mind already set yang 'okay Ain takde boyfriend, why else die dekat tinder. so dont think too much Anep, now is the time sebab Ain tengah single' childish mindset perhaps..hahaha.. tp itu lah yg aku pikir that time..

this is not the first time pun yang kau break up and share the story with me. because of that, aku tau yang bile kau sayang someone, he will be the dearest. i got super jealous bile kau cite bende2 camtu, but like i said, if it means seeing u happy, i'll be there for you. i wish i can be that dearest guy..

hati aku berbelah bagi mase nak luahkan dekat kau.. im soo attached to you, that aku tau je kat mane hati kau.. 

that chinese stall mcm super doggy je utk kau tau, yet u invited me.. 

aku serious taktau ade air sour plum, or that air is your favourite..but lps rase air tu aku tau je rase die mcm that sour candy..u like that candy as far as i know..

Ain, would you at least try and get to know me? i know it would take time.. im not pushing you for any answers now.. 

honestly kalau aku x jmpe kau dekat tinder haritu, aku probably still usha kau dari jauh for the next foreseeable future.. another2 3 years pun kite still belum 40 lagi..hahaha.. from where i see, you might get back with your ex, or you might find smone else.. and i might probably still be watching you from far.. i dont want that again..

just because i saw u dekat tinder that night, that aku mmg decide utk 'pergi mati' and tell you my feelings..  i just know that i always love you Ain. so i gave myself another shot.. kau cakap aku mcm treated kau like a girlfriend already.. Think back Ain, aku always layan kau macam tu.. nothings change pun..  the only difference is that now aku dah duduk sendiri..so boleh keluar masok rumah anytime..hahaha.. dah duduk sndr pun abah still kacau lagi..

took me 5 hours nak tulis ni..hahahaha.. actually aku xsedar dah kol 5pagi.. still, there're tons of things i wanted to say to you.. it just doesnt make sense utk type smue.. You know where my heart is now..just of matter bile kau nak start kenal aku..

 Drive safe ke genting.. should be berkabus pagi2 sebab sekarang kan hujan and sejukk..