my little bro 14th birthday

so for his birthday.. i got him an official Queen's shirt from Rock Corner shop in KLCC.. yeahh.. br stylo sket adek ak.. ini lyn lmfao..chris brown.. nikki minaj.. cmon!!! hahaha

die da mkin besa kan..so ak kne treat die mcm org besa.. though die xd la besa mne sngt..14thn..plus ngan fizikal die yg mcm dak drjh 5.. ak xd la nk rushing2 sngt ajar die jd dewasa.. jd dewase mcm ak ni xbest.. masok ofis wat bnd sme je.. nk sukan pown ssh.. awek pown xd..hahaha..

he looked happy.. i was so happy to see him smile..i was cting from inside.. God's honest i was crying for him..

and then come my stupid barua cilake babi punye bapak yg lahanat..

first of all..we were trained by him like soldiers..like slaves.. so where the fuck do my dad bajet kteorg ad sikap nk manje2 or gedik2 ngan org yg bername shaharudin dlm rumah ni???

the story goes ble die bg adik ak wallet as present.. bpk ak tanye die suke ke x.. adik ak ckp ntah laa..

jwpn adik ak tu nmpk mcm kurang ajar ke ble bpk ak tanye lg..die jwb entah la..entah la..entah laa..??

mayb korang nmpk mcm kurang ajar..but let me tell u.. ble bpk ak bg smting kat ak..xkre la hadiah ke shit ape ke.. ak xpnh epi trime ape yg die kasi.. i just take it..and kept it inside a box under my bed.. cz i know..even if it is a gift..u do some damage to it.. u'll be next.. ko kne mrh..silap2 kne pukol..

so ble adik ak jwb entah la tu..bkn sbb kurang ajar..tp die tatau nk ambk ke x hadiah tu..die tatau nk ckp cmne.. cmon..cmne adik ak nk berkomunikasi ngan sekor babi yg pantat cilake besa.. ssh kowt~

so end up adik ak kne libas ngan tali pinggang time besday die.. bkn libas skali 2 ye.. libas mcm korang ngah kibas kain.. pum pam pum pam~ yeap.. on his 14th besday..


so tell me.. do you think i should take back my words when i called him a pig???
i dont even care bout it..
he's a pig..and will always be..

Special raya this year perhaps??

there's not much going on this year raye.. so far not much bullshit that happened during this Ramadhan.. i dont say there's no fighting at all.. at least there's a little peace this year..

some of my friends yg dulu dok jauh2 skarang dok kat area2 umah ak cz dieorg kje kat kl.. that's cool..more friends around the block hommie..hehehe.. syok gak laa..ad je mmbr nk ajak lpk..

gaji da masok!! tp bnyk nk pkai duet laaa.. nk prepare duet raye.. nk byr jersey rugby..rm180 bai..bkn murah2 yaw.. nk byr duet reunion.. then there's this limited X-Men jacket..AWESOME GLER!!! rm230.. mcm nk bli..wuuuu.. tp mcm nk bli style postage2 ni ak xkeruan sket laa.. xyakin brg smpai je.. da la nk byr mahal..

usha sket jaket X-Men ni..weeee

i'm a jacket or a sweater freak! xd la bnyk sngt collection ak kan.. bkn xnk bli..tp kang bli bnyk2 cmfrm bpk ak tiaw nye..kne mrh la beb.. tgu da kawen nnt..1 almari penuh jacket..amcm?? tgu ak kawen ea~~

Ramadhan is coming

another 4 days and then Ramadhan will appear..

i don't know how i should react this year because as far as i can remember..there's not once..i ever happy when Ramadhan came.. for 23 years..not once i feel excited for Ramadhan..

don't get me wrong..
i'm not that satanic..hahaha.. i never say i hate Ramadhan.. it's just that during that 1 month of Ramadhan, that's when my family turns chaos.. the most chaos moment is during Ramadhan.. and that's why i always afraid when Ramadhan comes..

30days of chaos.. i wont tell you everything..because small things and mistakes can be a big issue during Ramadhan..

i remembered there was once, the last day of Ramadhan. that evening we all gathered around..discussing what to buy for my mother to cook in the morning of hari raya.. it was fun..taking pictures,laughing.. the suddenly my dad asked my mom what to buy for hari raya.. of course my mom said she will list it down when she can think about it.. then we continue to laugh.. then my dad asked again.. then on the third time he asked,he got mad and threw away papers and pen.. he said ' Abah mcm lembu korang nk tgu ape yg korang nk aku beli!'

just a blink of and eye..things went south.. can u imagine it? we laughed..taking pictures, the next thing you know he suddenly went mad and threw away everything.. we didn't cook anything for Raya.. we just sit at home..waiting for the next morning to go to sembahyang raya.. after that..finished~~ it was sad..really sad..

i cant remember which Ramadhan, but the night of the last day of Ramadhan, my parents had a major fight..i can't remember the reason.. all i remembered was that mom got kicked out of house by dad.. we also got kicked out.. cant u imagine.. on Hari Raya my mom and my siblings got kicked out of house.. when other normal family was cooking kuah kacang and rendang..also preparing stuff to dress up during the next morning..

there's more actually.. each 1 of them will make me cry each time i think about it..

i always hope that whenever thae next Ramadhan come, there will be changes.. no more fight.. a happy Ramadhan.. i always wanted to welcome Ramdhan..but i cant never feel to do so..

i hope this year Ramadhan will not be the same..

tho i never like Ramadhan..it will always be my pleasure to welcome you..

amoi punya birthday maaa

yeay!! ain da 23.. ko sme tue mcm ak da.. muke pown da nmpk matang.. no more sweet 17 looking for u..hahahaha

and u thought i forgot your birthday~~~ i know..cmfrm ko ingat ak lpe kan..kan~~ cisss.. mne bole ak lpe birthday ko.. siyesly..i'm so damn busy lately..continuously! bkn bz wat kje..tp bz attend meetings..

tgk ea..

kamis lepas ak meeting JK Aeroangkasa
jumaat lepas meeting JK Maritim
isnin aritu ak ad meeting pasal website LIMA ak..
selase pg ak ad seminar..tgh ari ak ad meeting ngan Panglima Operasi Tentera Udara..ptg ak ad Post mortem meeting..

td ak ad meeting ngan contractor ak..

esok mayb ad pra JK induk meeting..
then jumaat ak ad JK Induk meeting..

see...full of shits! hari2 ak masok ofis kol 8pg sbb nk meeting..pastu blek umah kol 9mlm.. uih xlarat beb bdn ak.. da la ko pown tau ak ni kan ssh nk tido mlm.. kol 3pg br la rs nk tido..

but anyways.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU AIN ZAKIAH!!!

ak nk call ko..tp kred ak xd.. hahaha.. gler laa..rm10 bole call ko utk less then 5mins kowt aritu! cekik darah nye egypt.. i tried to text you but smhow msg xle sent.. kat ofis bz..so ingat nk wish kat fb je ble balik umah..tenet ak super lembab.. ak da try da..nk open pape website lembab..kecuali porn! hahahha.. kidding..i dun watch porn..but no kidding..mmg ak try bkk porn laju..

and ko pown bz ngan exams ko kan.. u better focus on ur exams..

finish ur damn exams and get ur ass back here in gombak!!! cmon~~~ ape yg best kat gombak??? ad ak laaaa..hahahaha.. jom kte g bkk pose rmai2.. last time ko blek msia pown ak xdpt jmpe ko kan.. my bad..my lost..hahahah.. ble da dpt jmpe wat kerek plak kan..hahahaha..


please come home buddy..i'm waiting..

Wolves aren't gay

da lme sngt da ak x ber blogging..hahaha.. dl time blaja bole la kerap update blog..xd bnd nk cite pown xpe..tulis jeee.. ni da start dok umah..masok ofis kuar ofis je.. haih..life aint so fancy for me to update my blog everyday.. time blaja len..ad je kje gler nk wat..hahaha.. ohhhh..i miss student's life..except for the assignments..ahaks!

so this thing happened around last week mayb..like i said..sejak da kje ni ak xbnyk sngt nk gne otak kat umah sbb mmg da kulai da pown.. i go to gym..went to mandi..mkn..facebook sket..movie sket then around 1 or 2am i'll go to bed.. same ol routineee~~

so nk jdkan cite.. well actually cite ni mmg kne kat ak je.. mak tanye ak ni in relation ngan spe.. dadada~~ sbb mak ckp ak ni bnyk sngt kuar ngan pmpn..kejap ngan pmpn ni..esok ngan pmpn len..mlm ngan pmpn len.. dudeee..sounded cool right?? chicks all around~~ naaaaaahhh mom..the truth is..i never went out with those girls.. i do..yess..kejap pmpn ni kejap pmpn ni.. but its like once every month.. the rest ak kuar ngan mmbr2 laki ak actually..hahahahha.. susah la kalo nk ckp kat abah nk kuar ngan mmbr laki..ade je xkne.. bazir duet la..minyak laaa.. so ak tipu la ak ckp ak kuar ngan pmpn.. ak tatau npe die xkesah kalo ak nk kuar ngan pmpn.. hell he even let me go out once at 1 in the morning just because i said a girl asked me out! just a random fact..kalo ak kuar ngan pmpn lg pkai duet.. mkn nk kne blanje laaa..tgk wyg nk kne blanje laa.. i dun say i'm cheap.. but that's the truth.. but not to all women laaa..

i usually told my dad i went out with a girl name 'idayu'.. for all i know.. that 'idayu' was never exist!!! hahahah.. legand....wait for it...dary!!!

so when i told mom that secret.. she was liked 'abes ko xkuar ngan pmpn ke? jgn2 ko gay..'

gay..
gay..
gay..
gay..
gay..


i'm speechless.. aaaaaaaaaaa~~~

i'm not gay!!! hahaha

smtimes i might looked like a gay.. all the time spending with my dudes..

smbut besday ngan 1 kawan laki..
g tgk wyg ngan 1 kawan laki..kapel seat..
g mkn steak ngan 1 kawan laki..

no! i'm not gay.. i like hanging around..doesn't matter with who..or with how many.. the more the merrier.. plis dont think about gangbang right now..disgusting! hahaha

oh n about kapel seat tu.. cmon dude..nk tgk avengers punye pasal.. seat kosong cme kapel seat je.. g mampos janji dpt tgk avengers ngan puas ati..hahahha.. rilek je.. laki pmpn laki pmpn LAKI LAKI laki pmpn.. woohoooo!

when i looked closely at it.. there's actually quite a number of my friends that hv the same attitude..no gf and facing 'not-a-gay problem' like me.. we like spending time with male friends.. brotherhood stuff..


we like to see ourselves as unique..independent..cool and brotherhood.. just like a wolf..

how egyptian amoi sounds like??

wwwoooooaaaaaahhhh!!!!!!!!

dlm ati ak tu la yg ak jerit ble ak dpt tau ko call ak td..

seriously..it been too long..almost 1 year we didn't spoke to each other.. last time was during raya..well..not the best conversation we had aite even for the last time we met.. gomenne.. we are always the same 1 way or another.. so when suddenly i cant feel the vibrant..i got carried away n angry at u.. hontoni gomen~

sori ak pggl ko name len td.. kuar private number..bese kalo kuar private number ni ad la mmbr ak sorang tu.. da dgr sore br ak cam tu ko.. sori lmbat pick up sket..ak ngah tido time ko call..hahaha.. tgk..ko pown td ngah tido time call ak.. nguap nk same kuat mcm ak da.. ko btol2 gentleman~~

blek la cpt.. sejak ak da kje ni..ak bnyk explore tmpt2 mkn yg pd ak best..murah n sedap la area2 gombak n kl ni.. not bad actually.. cmfrm wat ak blek mandi tros tido sbb da kng gler.. cpt laaaa blek..ak ajar ko men pool gak ok?? mkin ari ak mkin terror..waiceh! insyallah ak bole ajar ko..

potong rmbt paras siku je tau.. u promised me already~~ tc amoi.. i miss u damn much..

what's it like to be me..

being me..
Muhammad Haniff bin Mohd Shaharudin..
who puts himself a gap between his family..
just so that he can complete his job..as the eldest brother..

life wasn't easy for me since i was small.. i mean 6 years old kind of small.. with all the beatings..yelling..cursing.. since i was small..i've been carrying burdens as big as a normal teenagers these days.. my father puts high hopes on me.. put it the easy way... i dont experience the luxuries of being a small 6 years old kid like others..

i grew up so fast..that when i was 10 years old..i can understand what the hack is form 5 Biology is (A1 kowt bio ak time SPM ^^).. think about it.. what 10 years old child..reads and understands a form 5 Biology subject???? when i was in standard 4..i got chosen to join the National Science Quiz because i score full marks during its preliminary test.. i remember that time Cikgu Halim said ' awk full mark haniff..xsangke sy..second bwh awk pown 31..'
my point here..it's not that i'm a genius..i grew up so fast compared to normal children.. my thinking was far beyond their thinking..

i wasn't always at home..
i stayed with my grandparent since i was in standard school until i finished standard 6.. then i went to MRSM KKB for 5 years.. 1 month after SPM i went to UTM skudai for 4 years.. 4 months after i finished my degree..i went to Langkawi for 1 month because of work..
so if u can see..i dont spent much time with my family..i'm close with my mom..for sureee..but not with my dad n my siblings..

its actually hard u know..being a brother but not like the kind of brother.. i wasnt even there when my youngest brother born.. i cant remember where i was that time..but surely i wasnt there when he was born.. what makes me hard to do my job as the eldest is because what i think about what they think about me..is that 'ah..abg haniff bukan pnh ad kat umah pown..xkn ttb die ad kat umah kteorg nk kne dgr ckp die plak..'
you know how my balls would suck in if they had said that to me face to face..hahaha.. because its true.. u dont let some stranger ordering u around rite??

but as time passed by..i'm no longer away from home..i started to get to know them 1 by 1.. Alhamdulillah..no more sucking balls..ahaks! u know they say that the eldest in the family usually hv some sort of power..instinct or shits..i dont know what to call it.. but being the eldest in your family..u will hv that mojo to do your job as the eldest.. this is from my point ok.. i dun say if u r not the eldest meaning u r useless.. hey..everyone hv their own role to play ea..
well for me..i hv the ability to understand my siblings' hearts..my parents' hearts and my friends' hearts.. what u all cant see..i hv the ability to see it..

my mom always said to me 'mak tau abah ajar ko laen dr adik2 yg len..ko keras..ko xbole nk tunjuk perasaan ko..'
its true..i can never show my true feelings.. of course when i'm happy i'll be acting like a monkey dude..chaos here and there..hahaha.. u all can see me going nuts.. but when i'm sad.. thats when u cant see me.. i cant show it to my parents and my siblings.. even in the hardest situation like right now.. i still cant show them how i feel.. somebody got to keep the line straight in hard time..that's me.. once my dad told me ' ko ni sombong..ko pentingkan diri ko je..ko xpk pasal org len..' that's when 1 of my sister ran away from home..i acted like nothing happened.. yayaya..blablabla.. the truth was..i was the only 1 in the house whos actually knew where my sister had gone..
why???
because she told me..
why???
because the trusted me..

see..being the eldest sure is damn hard..





i know what dude i am.. i'm the dude playin the dude..disguised as another dude..
and that is why..and will always be 'The Pain of The Laughing Soul'