Persistent

imagine a 4 years old kid.. 2 kinds of kids..2 different situation

kid 1.

kid 1 : ayah..nk mainan tu bole?
ayah : xbole..kan umah da ad bnyk kan...
kid 1 : alaaaa..nk jugak mainan tu..
ayah : da2..jom balik..asek2 bli mainan je..
kid 1 : nk jugak nk jugak nk jugak!!
ayah : haa ye la ye la~~


kid 2.

kid 2 : ayah..nk mainan tu bole?
ayah : tak bole..da ad da kan mainan kat umah..
kid 2 : alaaa..nk jugak
ayah : ko nk pelingkup kan duet ak je kje kan..
kid 2 : .........


some people say..if u really want something..u got to be persistent and keep on asking for it (this context is based on permission needs).. just like Kid 1, he's being persistent in demanding what he wants..eventually, the father x smpai hati pastu bg pe yg anak die nk.. as for Kid 2..should he asked it for the third time..he probably got his ass whopped at the shop..or in the car..or when they got home..

i am the second one..Kid 2..
sejak kecik lg..bpk ak da ajar ak..kalo nk smting..tanye die..kalo die kte xbole the first time..means TAK BOLEH..kalo die snyp je xjwb pape..means TAK BOLEH gak.. if u ask it again for the second time..either kne maki or kene libas..

imagine how i grew up in this kind of life..i was trained with this so called bullshit manners since i was a little kid..and i mean 4/5 years old kind of kid.. lme2..da sebati dlm diri ak.. kalo ak tanye skali..n ble bpk ak ckp tak bole..ak pown bla je.. xd nk argue pape.. full stop..

i still remember that time when i was just 7 years old..time tu kat genting highland..kteorg nk mkn kfc.. pastu time order..ak g la ngan bpk ak.. pastu ble nk order..ak ckp la nk ayam..nugget..kentang..bpk ak ckp bnyk gler order.. ye ah..sbb ak pikir skali order utk adik2 ak.. so bpk ak order.. then ble time mkn..kteorg x abes la mkn ayam n kentang ape bende smue laa.. pastu bpk ak mrh..ak still ingat lg smpai skarang pe die ckp..

'ko order bnyk2 kan..ko sumbat smue..xabes siap ko'

for god sake..i was 7 years old ms tu.. kat dlm kfc tu..ak smbil nanges2 cbe mkn bg abes..mak tlg tepok2 blakang ak sbb ak mcm terbatok2 cbe abes smue mknn.. and sejak dr tu..sejak umur ak 7thn..ak xpnh mntk pape dr bpk ak.. meaning mntk bnd2 mcm mknn..mainan ke.. if die nk bg..ak ambk..kalo x..ak xmntk kat die..

up until now..ak xgeti nk memintak2 ngan org len..ak xgeti nk pakse2 org.. whether nk pinjam brg or pasal cinta.. i only relate this story to a relationship problem only because of what awani's trying to advise me.. die ckp ak ad 1 mslh..die ckp ak x tegas dlm hal relationship.. example..kalo ak ajak 1 pmpn kuar..kalo pmpn tu kte xnk..ak pown snyp je..kalo pmpn tu kte suh tgu..ak pown tgu la smpai 2 3 jam.. die kte ak kne memintak..kne pndai pakse.. kalo pmpn tu xnk kuar..die suh ak pujuk bnyk2 kali..kalo pmpn tu suh tgu..ckp kat pmpn tu yg da janji sekian2 ms so die kne tepati ms..

yeah..she wants me to be persistent..which for me..is soooo fucking hard because im not used to be a persistent.. im more like a go-to kind of guy..heart to heart..transparent in communication.. if yes means yes..if no means no.. if you hv smting to tell me..then tell me because god knows..i dont and will not know a single shit if u dont tell me.. not to say that i dont hv a single clue bout my gf's (if i have one) problem or what she wants.. all im saying is that it would be a lot easier if she phrase it to me directly..

there's a fine line between being blur..and dont give a damn.. im not blur..in fact..im good at knowing people's heart.. its just that i dont a give a damn.. relationship is about 2 way communication.. if i have to use magic crystal ball everytime i want to know what my gf is thinking..bek xyah ad gf..

thats why i will never be a persistent.. i want people around me to be happy as they like..not to be happy as what i want.. sorry Osya..ak still pentingkan org len more dr diri ak sndr..

my true soulmate..

monday, 23 sept 2013..

wake up to this morning and found out that she said that she will be engaged soon..

jammed between happy and sad..
i am happy..really..because my best friend is getting engaged..
but i'm also so damn sad because the person i love the most is getting married to someone else..
believe me..i dont know how to react..

knowing her for 15 years.. had feelings for her for 6 years.. it shouldn't happen at the first place.. if this really is how the story goes for us..then i wish that i never met her in the first place.. it hurts a lot for me..

Ain..bkn ak xske yg ko da nk berkahwin.. if it makes you happy..so be it.. tp ni mslh ak sndr..ak yg xle nk lepaskan perasaan ak kat ko.. up until now..

if u ever read this Ain..please forgive me sbb slalu kaco.. please forgive me sbb ak slalu mintak lebeh dr ape yg ko da bg kat ak..

it's time for me to back down..
it's time for me to leave u and let u continue with your life..
ak xkn lpe org yg ak paling sayang, that is u Ain..
this is my decision..
we will meet again..i promise..

THE SOUL

interesting thing bout a soul..is that it was an empty box..an empty space..set nicely in the heart and mind of a person from the day he/she was born..

as they grew up.. feelings start to fill in.. attitudes start shaping it..experiences start to control it..parents' love starts to nurture it.. all stuff mixed into the soul..shaping it..colouring it.. and it goes on and on and on..till u grow up to be..well..supposed to be a decent..good..religious so called humans..

Quran teaches us bout the rules..the steps..on how to build and design your souls.. you play by the rules.. your soul will be well fed..

lets be realistic for a while..

take a penny..and flip it..
u got 2 choices..
there's head..and tail~

just like flipping a coin..feelings..attitudes..experiences..are an ambiguous terms..general definitions which comprises of thousands..millions of choices in it.. and as you lived your life..you will definitely pick at least 1 choice..per day..for the rest of your live..

so tell me..are the choices you made were good so far?
you dont always gets a tail when you wanted to..
and you dont always gets a head when you are hoping to..

how was your soul?

24 years old kiddo

everytime when i do my silly, epic moves or dance, my mom would say,

'ko ni da 24thn tau tak.. org baye ko smue da kawen da..chek tu da ad anak da.. (giggling)'

and my epic moves are EPIC! the starfish dance mode..the super fast flash mode..the funky nigger dance..

those are the moves that would make my mom smile...

i've grew up..got a job..not a good job..but the pay cheque smells nice~~ i learn how to live..survive in this unfair life..

 i know how to fix a car..i know some shit about computing stuff.. i know how to wash my cloth (by hands..i dont know how to use a washing machine.. fail since high school!).. i know how to chop down trees,trim the lawn.. i know how to do chores work.. i know how to fix most of the things in my house..

i know how to drift a car.. i know how to ride hard with motocycles.. i know how to shoot amazing photos of natures, weddings..events.. i know how to organize an event ( i do the freaking LIMA okay ).. i know how to handle knives and swords ( i got my own sword ).. i know how to siang ikan..potong lembu..

i know how to communicate with people..business people..contractors..pilots..CEOs..liars..cheaters..hypocrites..

i'm matured compared to most of those motherfuckers out there who claims 'dieorg makan garam dulu'.. at some point i think they ate only salt..ehew~~

i like it this way..
i like the 'kid' inside me.. it makes me happy..makes people around me happy..

maybe because i wasn't a kid when i should be a normal kid.. thats why i'm a kid now..

a 24 years old kid..

hye Ramadhan~~

hmmmmm..

bulan yg ak paling takot.. im soo scared that i'd stop hoping to be strong..instead, i just want it to be over as soon as possible..

it's not about Ramadhan..
it's the sins of a father that scares me..

Keep going on.

last post : 8 october 2012..

i'm back cocksuckersss!!!

this blog is where i shre my feelings with myself.. soo..here i am ^^

lot of things have change..myself..my friends..some never change..like my family..

1. myself

i dont know how to describe it..but i know that i have changed.. somehow i think my life's getting quite fun..i'm happy with it.. but as i'm getting happier..sadness and pain runs at the same speed.. there are certain things that i felt regret so much.. inside my heart, i feel a bit lonely.. memories from my past.. i often cried during the nights.. literally..crying.. not like all out crying during first day of syawal like my grandma used to do ..not like that laa

2. my friends

and also my family.. ones that i can count on to share happiness and sadness.. man to man style yaw~~ this 'family' always missing a person.. example..i was 2 months out from kl.. as soon as i get back in kl..abu plak kne g nek kapal.. then abu came back.. as we wait the final piece of puzzle to get back.. abu kne nek kapal balik for 3 months.. in return..cur plak smpai isi tempat kosong.. but the crew is getting bigger.. mael ad awek baru..cur ngan awek die.. by this end of this year..supposedly fardiana..ainun and abu nk bertunang..

me? next 2 years ok..just wait for it~~

3. my family

ramadhan is getting nearer.. to all muslims..this is the month that they hv been waiting for.. but for me.. this is the month where i scared the most.. frankly speaking..the percentage of fighting..beating..cursing like shits during this time is the highest.. it's like all the satans were chained inside my house..

i'm scared of ramadhan..and will always be scared..

i just cant wait hv my own family.. that will be my very first happy welcoming ramadhan.. amin~

i'll die in peace~

i want to come here..